it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
