So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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