I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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