I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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