Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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