We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
