just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
