6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
