Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
