The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
