walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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