He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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