guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
