I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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