haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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