return my video game
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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