Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
