My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
