I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
