I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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