She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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