he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When did angry sex become our thing?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
