Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
