Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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