woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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