they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can vaginas get frostbite?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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