I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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