I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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