I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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