he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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