So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
