dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
