for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When are your genitals available?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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