At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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