but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
