she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
