she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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