I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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