when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
