i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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