Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
