Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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