New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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