i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
