you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
