i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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