so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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