Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
