Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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