You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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