So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
