Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This is the high leading the old right now
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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