id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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