i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
