Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
