Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
