Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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