My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
