Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
