I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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