when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
