I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
