the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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