Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
